I read about the lives of others who have completely poured themselves out for You and I feel utterly useless and painfully aware of my abundance, my cares for this world, and the comforts I have come to trust in. I want to lay on the floor and weep because I feel as is if I am wasting away my life and missing out on what God would do thru me if I would just let go and trust Him. It is not a competition. I do not need to measure up to others or compare my failures and strengths to those around me. You love me but I have so much trouble understanding what that really means. Your Word speaks of love but also of judgment, of righteousness, and of sin. This morning I thought about the word tolerance. Our culture is all about being “tolerant”. But that is so stupid. What kind of love is merely tolerant? Can you imagine what it would look like if I only tolerated my children or my husband? I thank You God that You do not tolerate us! You love us. Oh, Father, I don’t want to waste away my life missing out on the blessings You long to pour over me and my family. What can I say yes to today? What can I give away and let go of today? What can I completely pour myself out on knowing that You will fill me back up with You? I desperately need You till fill me up with the fullness of Christ. What things am I holding onto that I need to let go of so that I can receive a better gift? I want to fall into bed at the end of the day completely exhausted, spent, and overwhelmed by You. I don’t want to keep living for myself in such fear of losing my stuff that I hold it so tightly creating my own personal prison. I beg You to help me, to show me how to say yes to You. I read something the other day that said this so beautifully:
“While the bible doesn’t tell every person on earth specifically what his or her life’s calling will be, it does include a lot of general direction.
“You are to find Me in the least of these.” Yes.
You are to leave your earthly possessions and come follow Me.” Yes.
“You are to love and serve the Lord God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.” Yes.
“You are to go and make disciples of all nations.” Yes.
“You are to show mercy.” Yes.
“You are to live a life of mediocrity and abundance, holding on tight to your comfortable life style, lest you lose it,” No.
-Katie Davis - Kisses From Katie
She had said in her book that one of her children had asked her “if Jesus came into your heart does it explode?”. She said her first answer was no but after thinking about this she realized that indeed, yes, if Jesus comes into your heart it will explode. It should explode. When we receive Christ we should explode and that explosion should cause the love of Christ to pour out of us and onto others.
Jesus, explode in my heart. Cause it to burst open and spill Your love onto whoever You put before me. Help me to live for today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. But today. Right now. To be present. To be active. To be willing and ready at all times to say yes to You.